Everyone’s talking about “grit” and how it's the #1 essential ingredient you need to succeed. And that’s great and true. You do need tenacity, courage, strength, and stamina to thrive, especially as an entrepreneur. 

But, grit implies there is no success available for those who don’t toughen up and push well beyond their limit.  It hints at sacrificing well-being to the point of illness, of ignoring your loved ones to the point they assume you don’t care. I picture Scrooge from A Christmas Carol as the ultimate “grit”-haver.  Some synonyms are: toughness, steel, hardiness, backbone, doggedness, and guts.

The trouble is these also implicate lack of empathy, of connection, of being in the present moment and living a fulfilling life.

The term has recently been studied specifically as it applies to students who succeed. And it’s a catchy concept.  In this framework, Angela Lee Duckworth, who is responsible for these student success studies, described grit in 2013 as: 

“...passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” (See her TED Talk here)

Duckworth isn’t describing grit as something that carries the need to push and hustle your way through something. She isn’t describing going so hard you have a panic attack or worse. She’s describing someone with vision, passion and stamina for the long term. It’s not about wearing yourself out trying to sprint through a longhaul race.  It's actually not a race. It's your bright future, your sense of fulfillment that grit helps to form; to turn into a reality. 

And you don’t have to force your way into that reality.

There are those of us creating a world where you can be authentic--even if you’re ND (neurodivergent) or an HSP (highly sensitive person), or something else that doesn't fit the stereotypical grinding grit-having image--and succeed without having to cover up, mask, and hide who we really are. 

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m a believer in the power of determination and I’m not so naive that I think you can create something visionary and pay full attention to all other corners of your life as your energy goes towards incubating this powerful thing. BUT. It’s not about struggling and squirming your way there. Seeing that word “grit" without Duckworth’s definition attached can make someone think it, in fact, IS about that. 

So, here’s some words that describe what it really takes to have “grit”:

• Discernment
• Determination
• Passion
• Patience
• Clear vision
• Clearly seeing reality
• Creative thinking
• Problem-solving skills
• Hope 
• Curiosity

And here’s what lies beneath being able to have “grit” in the first place:

• Self-nurture
• Support system
• Community
• Boundaries
• Rest
• Planning
• Learning through reflection
• Resilience

So the next time you see the word “grit” don’t assume you need to be able to buckle down and go through torture to make your dreams come true. “Grit” is a gritty word but radical softness is required to cultivate it.